Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
