I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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