bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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