Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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