Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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