Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
