I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
