"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
