its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
