pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
