You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
