i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
