The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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