first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
