His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
