yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
