Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
