Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize