He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bring me that man meat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
