Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
