you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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