You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
50% drunk capacity currently
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
