I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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