I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
