When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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