I skipped work to stalk him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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