Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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