There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
