Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize