Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
