when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
