I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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