i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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