I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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