I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
