Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
