So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
