Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
