yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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