Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
