omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
