omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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