Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
