Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
