Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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