im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
