i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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