i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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