Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
