Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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