mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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