But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
