He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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