i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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