Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
