The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
