people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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