Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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