I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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