I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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