I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
