I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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