A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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