we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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