Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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