I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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