so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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