sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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