I want to stick my p in your. b.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
