If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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