Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
