I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
