I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
