He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
