Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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