Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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