He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
