Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
