he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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