So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize