sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
soo... how was my night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
