What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
