she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
