Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
