I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
