You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
