At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
